Poker Quotes - Lou Krieger's Top Ten

TOP TEN POKER QUOTES by Lou Krieger

Some time last year, while researching a book of humorous poker quotations, I came across this interesting article in Card Player magazine …

“This column marks a milestone for me: my 200th article for Card Player. My personal celebration involved perusing each of my 200 columns and pulling my favorite poker quotes to share with you. I don't know if any of these will make it to Bartlett's Familiar Quotations, but if someone ever complies a book of quotable poker quotes, I hope to see a few of mine there.”
Lou Krieger, On Poker: You Can Quote Me on That  in Card Player magazine (2000)

With such a heartfelt plea it is only fitting to add Lou Krieger to my ongoing list of ‘Top Ten Poker Quoters.’

In some small way this Top Ten tribute may make his dream come true as some of Lou’s quotations do indeed appear in my book The Quotable Poker Player. Although TQPP is not going to match Bartlett's Familiar Quotations in terms of size or age, TQPP is certainly much funnier and is 100% poker-based.

“In poker - as in so many other disciplines - there are great ‘players’ and then there are great ‘teachers.’ Lou Krieger is both. Trust me. His appreciation for the intricacies of poker are obvious. He's one of the few writers who incorporates both good card sense and comprehensive situational analysis in his writing. Reading Lou’s advice is like getting painting lessons from Rembrandt or being taught the violin by Stradivarius.”
Nolan Dalla

With a glowing introduction like that from the World Series of Poker Media Director and renowned poker writer / historian, who is this Lou Krieger and what has he got to say about poker?

Lou is currently the editor of Poker Player Newspaper and has written 11 books and more than 400 columns about poker strategy for a variety of magazines. His first book, Hold ’em Excellence: From Beginner to Winner, was published in 1995. Since then Lou has also published other poker books such as: MORE Hold ’em Excellence: A Winner For Life, Poker For Dummies, Gambling For Dummies, Internet Poker: How to Play and Beat Online Poker Games, Winning Omaha/8 Poker, The Poker Player’s Bible, Secrets the Pros Won’t Tell You About Winning Hold ’em Poker, The Portable Poker Pro: Winning Tips for Texas Hold ’em and 52 Great Poker Tips.

With a resume like that there is no doubt that Lou deserves to have his own list of poker quotables - and this is my personal choice of  the Top Ten Quotes by Lou Krieger (with sources where known) …

“Hold ‘em - like life itself - has its defining moment. It’s the flop. When you see the flop, you’re looking at 71 percent of your hand, and the cost is only a single round of betting.” 

“Learn their secrets and determine how they keep from going on tilt. If the shoe fits, steal it!”

“As batting practice is not baseball, reading about poker, or playing against computerized opponents - while undeniably helpful - is not the same as playing for real money, against live opponents, in public games.”
from Hold ‘em Excellence (2000)

“Only losers and amateurs blame the cards. After all, cards don’t care; they don’t take sides, and they have no memory. They are blind justice holding her scales, and in the long run they’ll tip evenly for the novice and the skilled alike.”
from More Hold ‘em Excellence (1999)

On the pre-poker boom TV shows - “Before that, even for poker fans like myself, poker was boring. It was just a bunch of guys grimacing at one another. Boring television.”

“Most of the money you’ll win at poker comes not from the brilliance of your own play, but from the ineptitude of your opponents.” 

“Figure out what your opponent wants you to do and try to do the opposite.”

“You have it in your power to turn a bad beat around simply by realizing this simple truth: The more bad beats you encounter, the luckier you are. It’s a sign that you are playing against opponents who continually take the worst of it, and if you can’t beat someone who always takes the worst of it, you can’t beat anyone.”

“Not only is poker good for you, it’s the American way, where winners play fair, have the right stuff, and nothing else matters, except, perhaps, a bit of luck every now and then.”

“There are two kinds of poker face. Everyone thinks of Mount Rushmore, immobile, but the other is to broadcast so much information that no one can tell what you’re thinking.”


Compiled by
Colin M Jarman
The Quotable Poker Player


For more great poker quotations by Lou, go to his excellent blog Keep Flopping Aces and his excellent quotes page  - Quotable Krieger. Also check out Poker Player Newspaper edited by Lou.

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Poker Quotes - A to Z from Aces to Zen Poker

A to Z of Poker Quotes

from Aces to Zen Poker

A fairly random collection of poker quotations that run from A to Z - some famous, some funny, some inspirational, some motivational, some wacky, some offbeat, some cute, some Texas Hold Em, some Stud  ... all great, all free and all taken from The Quotable Poker Player book.
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"All ACES are good for is to win a small pot or lose a big one."
Stu Ungar

"BAD BEATS will, from time to time, still rob you like a crack addict with an empty pipe."
Rick Dacey in Poker Player magazine (2006)

"The poker CHIP is like a conjuror’s sleight of hand that turns an egg into a billiard ball, a necessity of life into a plaything, reality into illusion."
Al Alvarez

"Poker is such a great game. It’s you and your brain against everybody else. The DECK doesn’t know who you are."
Lyle Berman in USA Today (2006)

"Phil Hellmuth has an EGO that is notorious even in ego-charged poker circles."
Demian Bulwa in The San Francisco Chronicle (2003)

"I like to see lots of FLOPS."
Gus Hansen

"Poker is a stimulating psychological challenge, combining GUTS and detective work ... a world of its own, offering all the childish appeal of secret places, special languages and staying up late at night."
Victoria Coren


"HEADS UP poker play may be the purest form of psychological warfare this game has to offer. It’s no wonder why the old westerns and Rounders and every other poker movie always comes down to a one-on-one battle between the good guy and the villain."
David Williams in All In magazine (2008)

"IMAGE is vital. Poker was seen in Britain as an American import, associated with Mississippi riverboat gambling and the long stare of Steve McQueen in The Cincinnati Kid. This was card-drama in bars full of cheroot smoke, whiskey and wild women. In Britain, by contrast, it was traditionally the pastime of crooks in grimy vests playing under bare bulbs, or self-consciously raffish rich kids looking for street cred."
Ben Macintyre in The Times (2005)

"I just realized something. JOKER is poker with a ‘J’ ... coincidence?"
Phoebe [Liza Kudrow] on Friends: The One with All the Poker (1995)

"A KING can do no wrong … unless it runs into an ace."
Old Poker Saying

"A poker player has to be LUCKY … in the same way that Warren Buffet gets lucky playing the stock market year after year."
Phil Gordon, Poker: Real Deal (2006)

"All the bills are paid and you feel pretty good. Is it time to go shopping? Yes, providing you leave enough MONEY to play poker."
Barry Greenstein, Ace on the River (2005)

"Poker Tip #10: You’re not allowed to give yourself a NICKNAME. This holds true in life as well as in poker."
Richard Roeper in The Chicago Sun-Times (2005)

"Poker is a game of people. If you remember that, you can bounce your OPPONENTS around like tumbleweed in Texas. If you forget, Lord have mercy on your bankroll."
Doyle Brunson, According to Doyle (1984)

"Not for nothing are POKER TABLES shaped like the floor of the Coliseum - the better to concentrate the butchery, the better to observe it up close. lions and tigers and bears, oh my! Thumbs up or thumbs down on the river."
James McManus in American Poetry Review (2002)

"Pocket QUEENS are arguably the third best Hold ‘em starting hand, but like everything having to do with the ladies, it just isn’t that simple. It is also one of the hands players go broke with most often. The cards are beautiful, mesmerizing. All that paint is hypnotic, but you must use your head, not your heart. You must tread cautiously and think carefully, not jump in with both feet like a love-struck teenager."
Katie Lindsay in Pro Player magazine (Sep 2006)

"There are a lot of RULES to poker: a flush beats a straight, three of a kind beats two pair, never trust anyone named Vegas Billy. But the cardinal rule of all time may be this: Never bet $86 on the three of clubs. But even that rule is sorely tested when everyone folds except you and the guy whose currency on the table is handwritten."
Jesse McKinley in The New York Times (2003)

"SEX and poker don’t go together. That, at least, is my general experience. Which is not to say that one should not follow the other."
David Spanier, Total Poker (1977)

"Learn their secrets and determine how they keep from going on TILT. If the shoe fits, steal it!"
Lou Krieger

"Alas, I have no discernible ability at Hold ‘em - if I were playing against nine Franciscan monks, I would be the UNDERDOG - a somewhat unfortunate reality considering I am paid to analyze Hold ‘em on TV. (By the way, this makes me the Matt Millen of poker.)"
Norman Chad in Sports Illustrated magazine (2009)

"One of the weird things about poker is that you’re handling all this cash, and you’re getting paid in cash, and it’s flowing in and out of your life, and it’s easy to lose the VALUE of money. When you have a lot of success young, and you get a hold of a lot of cash, and you’ve never had to be an adult struggling, you lose perspective."
Anne Duke in All In magazine

"The important thing is to get fun out of poker, and the best fun is the fun of WINNING."
Chris Ferguson in Inside Edge magazine (2006)

99 [Barbara Feldon]: "Why don’t we use the X-22 computer, Chief?"
Chief [Edward Platt]: "I’ve thought of that, 99, but somebody fed a deck of cards into it and now all it’ll do is play poker with the CIA computer."
99: "Well can’t you reprogramme it?"
Chief: "No, we can’t do that, it’s 32 dollars behind."
on Get Smart: The Worst Best Man (1968)

"Erick Lindgren thought it would be a good idea to issue a challenge saying he and I could amass more Player of the YEAR points than any other two players. (Except for Phil Ivey because he doesn’t count. He’s not human)."
Daniel Negreanu in All-In magazine (2009)

"I am in poker for all the wrong reasons. I don’t care about the money. I just want to experience a 48-hour period where I am at one with the universe. I want to experience that ZEN state of consciousness where you can do no wrong: your tiny twos flop into a set, your inferior pair rivers into a backdoor straight. Phil [Laak] calls this phenomenon ‘Surfing the Wa’."
Jennifer Tilly in Bluff magazine (2005)

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James Bond: Licence to Skill? - 007's High Stakes at the Poker Table.

JAMES BOND meets TEXAS HOLD 'EM

POKER QUOTATIONS ABOUT 007 and CASINO ROYALE  (2006)

For years James Bond played Chemin De Fer or Blackjack or Gin Rummy (with Goldfinger) or - against all common sense even for a devil may care secret agent - the roulette table. With 007's twenty-first century rebirth the man with a licence to kill was granted a licence to luck out on the river.

The following quotations are a choice selection of what has been written about James Bond answering the clarion call from millions of online poker players and turning his hand to the Cadillac (or in Bond's case the Aston Martin) of Poker - No Limit Texas Hold 'em.

"The scent and smoke and sweat of a casino are nauseating at three in the morning. Then the sole-erosion produced by high gambling - a compost of greed and fear and nervous tension - becomes unbearable, and the senses awake and revolt from it." 
Opening lines from the original Ian Fleming novel Casino Royale (1953) 

"Casino Royale when it was written by Fleming involved a Chemin de Fer game in the South of France and that was a big stakes game in those days. Today the big stakes game is Texas Hold 'em. It's not unreasonable for ten, twenty million dollar pots to be seen. So, when we came to think about what the game would be, Chemin de Fer didn't seem appropriate but Texas Hold 'em was."
Michael G. Wilson - Bond producer (2006)

"In Ian Fleming's original novel, James Bond attempts to bankrupt Le Chiffre - a shadowy financier of international terrorism - at the baccarat table. To give the movie a modern twist, the game has been changed to poker. This is in keeping with 21st-century fashion, but the characters are still dressed for baccarat, in tailored dinner jackets. If only poker players really wore those clothes, instead of old tracksuits covered in soup."
Victoria Coren in The Guardian (2006)

"I heard 007 doesn't play baccarat anymore; now it's Hold 'em. I keep waiting for Phil Hellmuth to talk smack at the table right up until Bond puts one right between his eyes."
Matt Bramanti in The Houston Chronicle (2006)

"Switching the game between le Chiffre and Bond to poker is no doubt because most audiences are unacquainted with baccarat, though it could be that it reminded the producers of Burt Bacharach, who wrote the music for the 1967 Casino Royale."
Philip French in The Observer (2006)

"Royale Flush. The Bond franchise takes a gamble on a new guy and comes up aces!"
Robert Wilonsky in The Village Voice (2006)

"The latest Bond movie … in which Bond plays a high stakes Texas Hold ‘em poker game. Before seeing it I thought about how some hands might play out. Maybe Bond makes an amazing sick call with Jack high and wins … or lays down Kings against Aces pre-flop because he can see into the villain’s soul! I mean he is James Bond after all. He can dodge bullets baby! Well, Phil Hellmuth he ain’t. James Bond is nothing but a total luck-box."
 Nicky O’Donnell (2006)

"Unfortunately, the final showdown, like The Cincinnati Kid, features card combinations you wouldn’t see in a real poker game if you played every day for a thousand years ... The odds of this happening on any given hand are so astronomical that I’d have to use up the rest of Page 11 and borrow Stephen Hawking’s brain to figure it out."  
Richard Roeper in The Chicago Sun-Times (2006)

"A high-stakes poker game in which Bond must beat Le Chiffre to defeat the terrorist network - slows the pace and trivializes the present reality of terrorism: If only al Qaeda could be done in by a full house."
Joe Morgenstern in The Wall Street Journal (2006)



"What [teenagers] will make of Casino Royale - no babes, no toyland, and the poker not even online - is anyone’s guess, but the earnings of the new film will doubtless affect the look, and the casting, of the next. If Craig falters, then I guess it’s full speed ahead to Chris Rock as 007 and Borat as Blofeld."
Anthony Lane in The New Yorker (2006)

"We grant that high-stakes poker has its tension, especially if it's your hand and your multimillion-dollar stake. But dramatically there's something lacking in a movie climax that needs the hero to be holding higher cards than the villain. Luck is not fate."
Richard Corliss in Time magazine (2006)

"The villain is not the usual Blofeld-like wannabe world dominator but a financier called Le Chiffre whose milky eye weeps blood. He’s played by the amazing Dane Mads Mikkelsen, made up to bring out his liver lips and Munchian cheekbones - the clammiest actor alive. When Bond sits opposite Le Chiffre at a high-stakes poker game in Montenegro’s Casino Royale, Mikkelsen clicks his rectangular plaques as if he’s a new breed of praying mantis. He’s bloodcurdling."
David Edelstein in New York magazine (2006)

"The climactic hand sees 007’s improbable straight flush, which he smugly unveils as if he’d somehow willed this result rather than just winning the poker equivalent of the state lottery. Hell, I could defeat international terrorism getting hit by the deck like that. So could you. So could a sponge. Move Bond just a single seat to the right in that hand and all he possesses is a license to tilt."
Mike D’Angelo in Esquire magazine (2007)

"The movie spends a lot minutes, because we all know who’s gonna win ... only this time, the poker tournament goes on and on and on ... and unlike, say, the battle of wits in the similarly high stakes card game in The Sting, Bond here finally wins his tournament by flashing a straight flush. A straight flush!  Dude, anybody can win with a straight flush! Winning with a pair of twos ... now THAT would have been superspy impressive!"
Andrew Osborne on Nerve.com (2008)

"When he meets the people on whom he is supposed to be spying, his first instinct is to beat them humiliatingly at chemin de fer, poker or ping-pong, and then go to bed with their wives. His ‘secret’ codename, 007, is known to all self-respecting villains."
Daily Telegraph (2008)

On the after-hours poker games on the 'Casino Royale' set - “Never play poker against actors. After all it’s their job to be able to create a credible poker face. And believe me they can. I lost every game I played against Daniel [Craig]!”
Martin Campbell - director of Casino Royale (2006)

Reviewing the Casino Royale Poker Chips set - "I hand these to my lovely wife to look at and the first words out of her mouth are: 'Where is the picture of Daniel Craig naked?' So...I suppose you can't please them all. That said, these are some pretty damn nice chips ... and you are that much closer to being 'Bond' than you were five minutes ago."
John Tucker on PokerChipReviews.com (2006) 

"As a poker film, Casino Royale is better than Rounders, miles better than Maverick, but not as good as The Cincinnati Kid. Nothing is as good as The Cincinnati Kid … I also loved the break during the game where James Bond goes upstairs, kills a couple of Ugandan hostage takers, showers off the blood, changes his shirt and comes back down to play. That kind of thing always happens in the tournament breaks at Walsall."
 Victoria Coren in The Guardian (2006)

Some of the above quotes have been taken from ...

JAMES BOND: LICENCE TO QUOTE - THE QUOTABLE DOUBLE-0 SEVEN.

1500 Humorous Quotations about the world's favourite secret agent. 

For more details of this book, click on the book cover above.

Poker Quotes in Literature from Henry James to Sinclair Lewis

Poker in Literature
from Henry James to Sinclair Lewis

Poker may have undergone a boom in the early part of the 21st century but the game (in all its variants) has always held a fascination for classical authors and literature in general. You will not be finding any references to 'Texas Hold 'em", "The Nuts" or even Doyle Brunson in these extracts, but poker has formed a staple diet of the literary greats.


"To begin with, you must come to the club."

"What club?"

"The Occidental. You will see all the Americans there; all the best of them, at least. Of course you play poker?"

"Oh, I say," cried Newman, with energy, "you are not going to lock me up in a club and stick me down at a card-table! I haven't come all this way for that."

"What the deuce have you come for! You were glad enough to play poker in St. Louis, I recollect, when you cleaned me out."

"I have come to see Europe, to get the best out of it I can. I want to see all the great things, and do what the clever people do."

"The clever people? Much obliged. You set me down as a blockhead, then?"

Henry James, The American  Ch. 2 (1877)



"Trent," he said, "this is slow! Let us have a friendly game - you and I."

Trent yawned.

"Come on, then," he said. "Single Poker or Euchre, eh?"

"I do not mind," Monty replied affably. "Just which you prefer."

"Single Poker, then," Trent said.

"And the stakes?"

"We've nothing left to play for," Trent answered gloomily, "except cartridges."

E. Phillips Oppenheim, A Millionaire of Yesterday  Ch. 2 (1906)

The Committee on Gerrymander worked late, drawing intricate lines on a map of the State, and being weary sought repose in a game of poker. At the close of the game the six Republican members were bankrupt and the single Democrat had all the money. On the next day, when the Committee was called to order for business, one of the luckless six mounted his legs, and said:

"Mr. Chairman, before we bend to our noble task of purifying politics, in the interest of good government I wish to say a word of the untoward events of last evening. If my memory serves me the disasters which overtook the Majority of this honourable body always befell when it was the Minority's deal. It is my solemn conviction, Mr. Chairman, and to its affirmation I pledge my life, my fortune, and my sacred honour, that that wicked and unscrupulous Minority redistricted the cards!"

Ambrose Bierce, Six and One in Fantastic Fables (1899)

In their boarded and rather littered cabin the guides sat about the greasy table playing stud-poker with greasy cards: half a dozen wrinkled men in old trousers and easy old felt hats. They glanced up and nodded. Joe Paradise, the swart aging man with the big mustache, grunted, “How do. Back again?”

Silence, except for the clatter of chips.

Babbitt stood beside them, very lonely. He hinted, after a period of highly concentrated playing, “Guess I might take a hand, Joe.”

“Sure. Sit in. How many chips you want? Let’s see; you were here with your wife, last year, wa’n’t you?” said Joe Paradise.

That was all of Babbitt’s welcome to the old home.

He played for half an hour before he spoke again. His head was reeking with the smoke of pipes and cheap cigars, and he was weary of pairs and four-flushes, resentful of the way in which they ignored him. He flung at Joe:

“Working now?”

“Nope.”   

“Like to guide me for a few days?”

“Well, jus’ soon. I ain’t engaged till next week.”

Only thus did Joe recognize the friendship Babbitt was offering him. Babbitt paid up his losses and left the shack rather childishly. Joe raised his head from the coils of smoke like a seal rising from surf, grunted, “I’ll come ’round t’morrow,” and dived down to his three aces.

Sinclair Lewis, Babbitt  p. 571 (1935)



It was in this mood that he would occasionally dress up, go for a shave, and, putting on his gloves, sally forth quite actively. Not with any definite aim.  It was more a barometric condition. He felt just right for being outside and doing something.

On such occasions, his money went also.  He knew of several poker rooms down town.  A few acquaintances he had in downtown resorts and about the City Hall.  It was a change to see them and exchange a few friendly commonplaces.

He had once been accustomed to hold a pretty fair hand at poker. Many a friendly game had netted him a hundred dollars or more at the time when that sum was merely sauce to the dish of the game - not the all in all.  Now, he thought of playing.

"I might win a couple of hundred.  I'm not out of practice."

It is but fair to say that this thought had occurred to him several times before he acted upon it. The poker room which he first invaded was over a saloon in West Street, near one of the ferries.  He had been there before. Several games were going.  These he watched for a time and noticed that the pots were quite large for the ante involved.

"Deal me a hand," he said at the beginning of a new shuffle.  He pulled up a chair and studied his cards.  Those playing made that quiet study of him which is so unapparent, and yet invariably so searching.

Poor fortune was with him at first.  He received a mixed collection without progression or pairs.  The pot was opened.

"I pass," he said.

On the strength of this, he was content to lose his ante.  The deals did fairly by him in the long run, causing him to come away with a few dollars to the good.

The next afternoon he was back again, seeking amusement and profit.  This time he followed up three of a kind to his doom. There was a better hand across the table, held by a pugnacious Irish youth, who was a political hanger-on of the Tammany district in which they were located.  Hurstwood was surprised at the persistence of this individual, whose bets came with a sang- froid which, if a bluff, was excellent art.  Hurstwood began to doubt, but kept, or thought to keep, at least, the cool demeanour with which, in olden times, he deceived those psychic students of the gaming table, who seem to read thoughts and moods, rather than exterior evidences, however subtle.  He could not down the cowardly thought that this man had something better and would stay to the end, drawing his last dollar into the pot, should he choose to go so far.  Still, he hoped to win much--his hand was excellent.  Why not raise it five more?

"I raise you three," said the youth.

"Make it five," said Hurstwood, pushing out his chips.

"Come again," said the youth, pushing out a small pile of reds.

"Let me have some more chips," said Hurstwood to the keeper in charge, taking out a bill.

A cynical grin lit up the face of his youthful opponent.  When the chips were laid out, Hurstwood met the raise.

"Five again," said the youth.

Hurstwood's brow was wet.  He was deep in now - very deep for him. Sixty dollars of his good money was up.  He was ordinarily no coward, but the thought of losing so much weakened him.  Finally he gave way.  He would not trust to this fine hand any longer.

"I call," he said.

"A full house!" said the youth, spreading out his cards.

Hurstwood's hand dropped.

"I thought I had you," he said, weakly.

The youth raked in his chips, and Hurstwood came away, not without first stopping to count his remaining cash on the stair.

"Three hundred and forty dollars," he said.

With this loss and ordinary expenses, so much had already gone.

Back in the flat, he decided he would play no more. 

Theodore Dreiser, Sister Carrie Ch. XXXVI (1935)

A rolling stone gathers no moss, and Mr. Brice had been figuratively rolling about the world for nearly three years, and generally going from bad to worse. Latterly he had been in the States, where his fortunes fluctuated according to what he termed his " luck." He was living more or less upon his wits, and it required an individual of a much stouter mental calibre to exist on such wits in New York and elsewhere. At times he would be established at some fashionable hotel, clothed in good raiment and fine linen, smoking prime cigars, quaffing breakers of champagne, and roistering with the best. Then he would sink to a flannel shirt, a short pipe, and a situation as boots or barman ; lower still, to downright squalor and semi-starvation, from which a timely remittance from his father would deliver him. Teddy was always sanguine, and periodically announced that " his fortune was about to be made," through some remarkable investment or discovery, or that " he was on the eve of marrying an heiress." But his only investments were in drinking saloons and gambling hells. When in the shadiest of company he played faro, Monte, and stud poker.

For nearly a year he drifted about the States; from New York to Chicago, from Chicago to the hot springs in Kansas, Kansas to New Orleans, and so back again to New York - a by-word for drinking, lying, and meanness.

Gambling was his sole pursuit. He had acquired several smart tricks with cards, and had lately consorted with two very clever associates. Teddy looked such an inane and brainless Britisher that he served as a fairly good accomplice and decoy, and he and his partners were ready to play anything, from the shell game with women, to Monte with men.

One evening they were playing poker with a smoothfaced young fellow from the West, who was losing heavily, also a rich Australian, who believed that he was seeing "life." Piles of notes were on the table, when, quite unexpectedly, the smooth-faced one pulled out a revolver and said, "Hands up or I shoot!" In another moment he had turned out their pockets, remarking, " The first who moves his arms is a dead man ! " He next proceeded to rake up all the winnings on the table, and, collecting the whole pile before their agonized eyes, crammed all into the breast of his coat, and still covering them with his shooting-iron, backed, bowing profoundly, towards the door, and so escaped, carrying off every dollar they possessed, as well as a handsome sum belonging to the now enlightened traveller.

And recently Mr. Brice's career had been rather too adventurous and exciting (so he declared); his health had given way, and he decided that he would try change of air and scene, and return to the dear old country. He found the voyage profitable (won a large sum at poker), and arrived at Balmaine Court with certain spoils in the shape of a complete new outfit and portmanteau, and a considerable amount of ready cash, which he had the prudence to bank. Colonel Brice augured well from his son's outward appearance, and received him with effusion ; Mrs. Brice with civility, and Miss Balmaine with very distant politeness. In the governor and the old lady he found but little alteration, but Rosamond was greatly changed. When he had last seen her she was a timid schoolgirl; but here was a remarkably handsome, self-possessed young woman, who held her head as high as a duchess, and, to use his own expression, appeared to " boss the whole show ! "

Balmaine Court and her fortune were in the hands of trustees until her twenty-fifth birthday, but she appeared to do pretty well as she pleased even now! She had two hunters, two smart black cobs—" Day and Martin ;" she dressed well, and carried herself with an air of great independence. Evidently she and her people had forgotten a certain little episode in her past, but he had a better memory. He believed himself to be irresistible, and made overtures of amity, which were disdainfully repulsed. His suggestion that they should " let bygones be bygones " was received with a haughty stare. She ignored his existence in a manner that penetrated even his thick-skinned vanity, and he declared to himself, with oaths, that he would pay her out—and marry her.

As far as his relatives were able to judge, Mr. Brice had brought nothing back with him from America beyond a marvellous knack of compounding mixed drinks, a burning desire to initiate strangers into the mysteries of stud poker, and a few strange expressions. He never appeared before lunch-time, but then he was prepared to sit up till breakfast hour the following day.

" I say," he said one evening to Rosamond, when he found her alone," why are you always so beastly standoff with me ? I'm your mother's step-son, you know - same family. ' Birds in their little nests agree,' and all that, and why should not you and I ? "

"You and I have nothing in common, Mr. Brice; but I have no desire to quarrel with you, or any one."

"No, you'd better not quarrel with me. As for nothing in common, it seems to me we have a good deal. What about your friend - the fellow with the dark moustache? You know very well that I could give you away if I liked."

Dead silence.

Bithia Mary Croker, Miss Balmaine's Past  Ch. XX. (1808)


Some poker thoughts from the Victorian era ...

"It will start in here in November and rain about four, and sometimes as much as seven days on a stretch; after that, you may loan out your umbrella for twelve months, with the serene confidence which a Christian feels in four aces."

Mark Twain in The Virginia Territorial Enterprise (1864)

On the idea of a pre-deal ante - "It is as if one should be obliged every few minutes to stop playing poker and waste some chips purchasing tickets in a turkey raffle."
John Blackbridge (1879)

"Men who think they can play a pretty good game of poker find themselves in large cities, and they are not contented till they get into a game, and nine times out of ten they get so everlastingly scooped that they can’t tell their own names till they look at it pasted on the inside of their hats."

Poker: How to Play it by One of its Victims (1882)

"There is no sympathy in poker. Always keep cool. If you lose your head you will lose all your chips."

William J. Florence, The Gentleman’s Handbook on Poker (1892)

Quotations taken from The Quotable Poker Player (2010) 

http://www.quotablepokerplayer.com

Poker Quotes from the W.S.O.P. champions Part One: 2000 - 2009

Poker Quotes from the W.S.O.P. champions

Part One: 2000 - 2009

To become a World Series Of Poker champion is one thing but what have these players go to say about the great game of poker? In the first of a series of ongoing posts that pool the collected thoughts of WSOP champions we start with the most recent honour roll ...

2000 Chris Ferguson
"Paying attention is one of the best ways to learn, and a great way to move up the poker food chain."

2001 Carlos Mortensen
"I believe that poker is a people game played with cards, not just a card game played by people, I think that all players have limits, or situations where they become uneasy, and that is when I put them to the test."

2002 Robert Varkonyi
"I was totally focused, played nearly perfect poker, and caught a few lucky breaks. I played very gutsy and with no fear. But today it's different; when I won it we were only 631 entrants. Now you need even more luck and also more endurance."

2003 Chris Moneymaker    
"I am the poster child for online poker. Amateurs and people who never even played the game watched me on television and figured, 'Hey, I can do that.' And they're right."

2004 Greg Raymer
"Taking freedom away is not what America is all about. Poker is an intrinsic part of America’s soul. Poker is an American game. Poker was a vital part of the American frontier. I love America. And I love to play poker. It is my version of the American dream. I have a simple message to Congress. Keep your hands off of my poker hand."

2005 Joe Hachem
"I just thought I'd be world champion, get a nice endorsement and go back to my normal life. Bullshit, there's nothing normal about my life these days!"

2006 Jamie Gold
"Poker is as much an internal game as it is external competition, and like most sports, it takes more practice and knowing yourself than it does actually playing the game in a professional environment."

2007 Jerry Yang
"As a father of six, you don't have a lot of money to play poker, So I played whenever I have a little chance here and there, and so far I have been successful."

2008 Peter Eastgate
"I guess I haven't really realized how big this is. It will come in the next weeks or the next days. I will become very emotional at some point."

2009 Joe Cada
"I have really put a lot into this. I have been playing poker for some time, and to come here and win it in my very first year - I feel very fortunate."

Still to come on the list of quotable WSOP champs in their own words are Phil Hellmuth, Stuey Ungar, Doyle Brunson, Johnny Chan, Johnny Moss, Puggy Pearson, Bobby Baldwin,Tom McEvoy, Scotty Nguyen, Huck Seed, Noel Furliong, amongst others.

Compiled by Colin M Jarman 
Editor of THE QUOTABLE POKER PLAYER 
For more free online poker quotations go to: http://www.quotablepokerplayer.com/

Poker Quotes Quiz - The Quotable Poker Player Quiz - 1

Quotable Poker Player Quizzes

Do you know your Phil Hellmuth trash talk from your Phil Ivey smooth calls?
Do you know your Poker 101 from your Ocean’s 11?
Do you know your High Stakes from your Big Deal?
Do you know your Texas Hold ‘Em from your California Split?
Do you know your bad beats from your Goodfellas?
Do you know your home games from your House of Games?
Do you know your Go Fish from the Devilfish?

Can you handle The Quotable Poker Player Quiz?

Quotable Poker Player Quiz - 1

WHO SAID ... ?

A. "The only way you can get wizardly good at No-limit Hold ‘Em is either play for thirty years in casinos, or play for two years all the time online."

A. PHIL IVEY   B. PHIL HELLMUTH   C. PHIL LAAK

2. "As an actor our job is to lie, but as a poker player I don’t lie nearly enough. I’m still trying to find my balls out there. You gotta know when."

A. JAMES WOODS   B. BRAD GARRETT   C. MATT DAMON

3. "Nothing in sport is more transformational than the WSOP. It’s like American Idol #133."

A. JOE HACHEM   B. JAMIE GOLD   C. GREG RAYMER

4. "The sound that a good chip makes as it hits the felt, or the clickety-clack as it’s stacked and restacked with others of its kind, can be as beautiful as a symphony."

A. ANTHONY HOLDEN   B. PHIL GORDON   C. AL ALVAREZ

5. "Chips become ammunition, and you’re going to war. If you’ve got a lot of bullets, you’re going to win the war."

A. JOHNNY CHAN   B. PHIL HELLMUTH   C. DANIEL NEGREANU

ALL QUOTATIONS TAKEN FROM

THE QUOTABLE POKER PLAYER

published by Blue Eyed Books

THE QUOTABLE POKER PLAYER QUIZ - 1

ANSWERS

A. "The only way you can get wizardly good at No-limit Hold ‘Em is either play for thirty years in casinos, or play for two years all the time online."
C. PHIL LAAK


2. "As an actor our job is to lie, but as a poker player I don’t lie nearly enough. I’m still trying to find my balls out there. You gotta know when."
B. BRAD GARRETT


3. "Nothing in sport is more transformational than the WSOP. It’s like American Idol #133."
A. JOE HACHEM


4. "The sound that a good chip makes as it hits the felt, or the clickety-clack as it’s stacked and restacked with others of its kind, can be as beautiful as a symphony."
B. PHIL GORDON


5. "Chips become ammunition, and you’re going to war. If you’ve got a lot of bullets, you’re going to win the war."
A. JOHNNY CHAN  

THE QUOTABLE POKER PLAYER - The Fun-Packed Book of Poker Sayings

THE QUOTABLE POKER PLAYER

The Fun-Packed Book of Poker Sayings
1500 Humorous Poker Quotations

Book Price inc Shipping Costs

UK 5-7 days £10.99 Europe 5-7 days £13.99 USA & Canada 7-10 days £14.99 Rest of the World 7-10 days £14.99

Funny Poker Quotes Book - Front Cover

“The poker trail can lead you through hostile country,
beautiful landscapes and miles of barren desert.
The journey will last a lifetime so keep moving on
until you find the next watering hole.”

Trevor Sippets, Poker: How to Play, How to Win (2005)

This volume of over 1500 humorous quotes from the poker world covers all aspects of the game. It celebrates the fun-side of poker encompassing a transatlantic theme across both the American and European views of the game.

From The Cincinnati Kid to the Poker Brat

From bad beats to Goodfellas

From Holly Madison to Phil Ivey

From home games to House of Games

From Go Fish to the Devilfish

From Poker 101 to Ocean’s 11

From green felt greenhorns to Barry Greenstein

From Texas Hold ‘em to California Split

From The Odd Couple to Phil & Jennifer


The Quotable Poker Player includes the funniest poker-based sayings and quotations from professional players, poker celebrities, authors, humorists and journalists, as well as a choice selection from film and TV characters.

Bret Maverick [James Garner]: “If you're going to play poker, you'll have to develop a sense of humour. That's the whole trick, my friend.”

on Maverick: Relic of Fort Tejon (1957)

SAMPLE CONTENTS  & CHAPTER HEADINGS

POKER IS ...

"Poker is the new pornography. The Internet is awash with it … it’s banned in China and it’s full of excitable Scandinavians."

Rick Dacey on InsidePokerMag.co.uk (2006)

POKER AS WARFARE

"Poker is like war; there is no tomorrow. You have to pick the hill you want to defend and die trying, or be king of the hill."

Johnny Hale on GamingToday.com (2009)

POKER 101

"Every bluff is now revealed as the product of untold computations, every bullying all-in raise seen for the science that it is, the arithmetic of incomplete knowledge. Unless, of course, it’s just a bad guess."

Richard Hoffer in Sports Illustrated magazine (2003)

POKER CARDS and HANDS

"The cards have no regard for sex; they’ll just as soon make a straight for a woman as a man - only it will sting worse if you have a scrotum."

Michael Konik (2001)

POKER GAMES

"No-Limit Texas Hold ‘em may be the Cadillac of poker games, but there are plenty of other fine cars out there in the showroom."

Conrad Brunner on CardPlayer.com (2006)

POKER PLACES

"The card clubs of California are vast sheds of frenetic activity filled with noise and excitement, proffering some 200 tables divided between American poker and Chinese games. They are good fun in their own way. But for true believers, Binion’s in May is better than April in Paris."

David Spanier in The Independent (1995)

W.S.O.P.

"The Americans tip the odds in their own favour, with World Series tournaments like Limit Razz and Ace To Five Draw; such un-British games that they might as well be competitions to see who can name the most Texan garden centres."

Victoria Coren in The Guardian (2001)

POKER FACES

"Professional poker players make me more sick than a man taken sick on his day off. They come straight from central casting - smug, pasty faces, shades to hint at mystery, a prop (like a Stetson) to suggest menace, and supposedly sardonic dialogue plucked straight from a 50s B movie. No people look more permanently pleased with themselves than professional poker players … They are without exception so plug ugly you suspect they’ve pulled more royal flushes than women … They are the living dead, clinging desperately to an artificial image of devil-may-care recklessness forged by purely fictional characters like the Cincinnati Kid and Maverick."

Derek McGovern in The Daily Mirror (2006)

POKER BOOKS

"Anthony Holden, author of the bestselling book about poker, Big Deal, goes out of his way to emphasise that poker is not gambling because it is a game of skill, and yet he won’t go down to the tables without wearing his lucky watch."

Mike Atherton, Gambling (2006)

Funny Poker Quotations Book - Back Cover

POKER MOVIES

"Hollywood often uses gambling, and less often card playing, to add a flavour to a movie. Unfortunately most of these movies have silly scenes (House of Games) or stink (Honeymoon in Vegas) or both (Maverick)."

Steve Badger on PlayWinningPoker.com

POKER ON T.V.

"Be advised that a Poker Craze is sweeping the nation. Almost every night there are poker tournaments on television. And if you think that watching people play cards on television would be boring, I have three words for you: correct-o-mundo. The problem is that there's not a lot of action in televised poker, where the most strenuous thing the players do is push small plastic chips a distance of about 15 inches. (Granted, this is more action than you see in televised golf.) To make matters worse, poker players do not betray any feelings. So, most of the time what you have, visually, is a bunch of grim-faced guys sitting around a table, looking like a haemorrhoid support group."

Dave Barry in The Washington Post (2004)

POKER EXTRAS [A to Z]

America's Game

"Of all the gambling games, poker, a distinctly American invention a century and a half old, is undoubtedly the most popular, And although poker may not yet be as American as apple pie, it has certainly become the standard Friday night after-dinner course in many homes."

David Hayano, Poker Faces (1983)

Zen Poker

"I am in poker for all the wrong reasons. I don’t care about the money. I just want to experience a 48-hour period where I am at one with the universe. I want to experience that Zen state of consciousness where you can do no wrong: your tiny twos flop into a set, your inferior pair rivers into a backdoor straight. Phil [Laak] calls this phenomenon 'Surfing the Wa'."

Jennifer Tilly in Bluff magazine (2005)

Book Price inc Shipping Costs

UK 5-7 days £10.99 Europe 5-7 days £13.99 USA & Canada 7-10 days £14.99 Rest of the World 7-10 days £14.99