Poker Quotes from The Quotable Poker Player - Fun-Packed Book of 1500 Humorous Poker Quotations

Poker Quotes Book

THE QUOTABLE POKER PLAYER

Read 'Em and Weep (with laughter) 

The Fun-Packed Book
of
Poker Quotations

1500 Humorous Poker Quotations
from Five-Card Stud to No Limit Texas Hold 'Em

Book Price inc Shipping Costs Please select the drop-down option for your region and click 'Buy Now'

UK 5-7 days £10.99 Europe 5-7 days £13.99 USA & Canada 7-10 days £14.99 Rest of the World 7-10 days £14.99

ISBN-10: 1907338052
ISBN-13: 9781907338052
Published by: Blue Eyed Books

For more book information go to "The Quotable Poker Player" Publisher website at Blue Eyed Books
or
Email Blue Eyed Books 




This volume of over 1500 humorous poker quotes covers all aspects of the global game from Las Vegas to London, from Monaco to your home game. It celebrates the fun-side of poker encompassing a transatlantic theme across both the American and European views of the game.

From The Cincinnati Kid to the Poker Brat ............................. From bad beats to Goodfellas

From Holly Madison to Phil Ivey ................................................ From home games to House of Games

From Go Fish to the Devilfish ................................................... From Poker 101 to Ocean’s 11

From green felt greenhorns to Barry Greenstein .................. From Texas Hold ‘em to California Split

From The Odd Couple to Phil and Jennifer ........................... From Full Tilt to Free Rolls 

“The poker trail can lead you through hostile country, beautiful landscapes and miles of barren desert. The journey will last a lifetime so keep moving on until you find the next watering hole.”

Trevor Sippets, Poker: How to Play, How to Win (2005)

The Quotable Poker Player includes the funniest poker-based sayings and quotations from professional players, poker celebrities, authors, humorists and journalists, as well as a choice selection from film and TV characters.


Bret Maverick [James Garner]: “If you're going to play poker, you'll have to develop a sense of humour. That's the whole trick, my friend.”

on Maverick: Relic of Fort Tejon (1957)

SAMPLE CONTENTS and CHAPTER HEADINGS

POKER IS ...

"Poker is the new pornography. The Internet is awash with it … it’s banned in China and it’s full of excitable Scandinavians."

Rick Dacey on InsidePokerMag.co.uk (2006)

POKER AS WARFARE

"Poker is like war; there is no tomorrow. You have to pick the hill you want to defend and die trying, or be king of the hill."

Johnny Hale on GamingToday.com (2009)

POKER 101

"Every bluff is now revealed as the product of untold computations, every bullying all-in raise seen for the science that it is, the arithmetic of incomplete knowledge. Unless, of course, it’s just a bad guess."

Richard Hoffer in Sports Illustrated magazine (2003)

POKER CARDS and HANDS

"The cards have no regard for sex; they’ll just as soon make a straight for a woman as a man - only it will sting worse if you have a scrotum."

Michael Konik (2001)

POKER GAMES

"No-Limit Texas Hold ‘em may be the Cadillac of poker games, but there are plenty of other fine cars out there in the showroom."

Conrad Brunner on CardPlayer.com (2006)

POKER PLACES

"The card clubs of California are vast sheds of frenetic activity filled with noise and excitement, proffering some 200 tables divided between American poker and Chinese games. They are good fun in their own way. But for true believers, Binion’s in May is better than April in Paris."

David Spanier in The Independent (1995)

WORLD SERIES OF POKER

"The Americans tip the odds in their own favour, with World Series tournaments like Limit Razz and Ace To Five Draw; such un-British games that they might as well be competitions to see who can name the most Texan garden centres."

Victoria Coren in The Guardian (2001)

POKER FACES

"Professional poker players make me more sick than a man taken sick on his day off. They come straight from central casting - smug, pasty faces, shades to hint at mystery, a prop (like a Stetson) to suggest menace, and supposedly sardonic dialogue plucked straight from a 50s B movie. No people look more permanently pleased with themselves than professional poker players … They are without exception so plug ugly you suspect they’ve pulled more royal flushes than women … They are the living dead, clinging desperately to an artificial image of devil-may-care recklessness forged by purely fictional characters like the Cincinnati Kid and Maverick."

Derek McGovern in The Daily Mirror (2006)

POKER BOOKS

"Anthony Holden, author of the bestselling book about poker, Big Deal, goes out of his way to emphasise that poker is not gambling because it is a game of skill, and yet he won’t go down to the tables without wearing his lucky watch."

Mike Atherton, Gambling (2006)

POKER MOVIES

"Hollywood often uses gambling, and less often card playing, to add a flavour to a movie. Unfortunately most of these movies have silly scenes (House of Games) or stink (Honeymoon in Vegas) or both (Maverick)."

Steve Badger on PlayWinningPoker.com

POKER ON T.V.

"Be advised that a Poker Craze is sweeping the nation. Almost every night there are poker tournaments on television. And if you think that watching people play cards on television would be boring, I have three words for you: correct-o-mundo. The problem is that there's not a lot of action in televised poker, where the most strenuous thing the players do is push small plastic chips a distance of about 15 inches. (Granted, this is more action than you see in televised golf.) To make matters worse, poker players do not betray any feelings. So, most of the time what you have, visually, is a bunch of grim-faced guys sitting around a table, looking like a haemorrhoid support group."

Dave Barry in The Washington Post (2004)

POKER EXTRAS [A to Z]

America's Game

"Of all the gambling games, poker, a distinctly American invention a century and a half old, is undoubtedly the most popular, And although poker may not yet be as American as apple pie, it has certainly become the standard Friday night after-dinner course in many homes."

David Hayano, Poker Faces (1983)

Zen Poker

"I am in poker for all the wrong reasons. I don’t care about the money. I just want to experience a 48-hour period where I am at one with the universe. I want to experience that Zen state of consciousness where you can do no wrong: your tiny twos flop into a set, your inferior pair rivers into a backdoor straight. Phil [Laak] calls this phenomenon 'Surfing the Wa'."

Jennifer Tilly in Bluff magazine (2005)

Book Price inc Shipping Costs Please select the drop-down option for your region and click 'Buy Now'

UK 5-7 days £10.99 Europe 5-7 days £13.99 USA & Canada 7-10 days £14.99 Rest of the World 7-10 days £14.99

For more information go to "The Quotable Poker Player" Publisher website at www.quotablepokerplayer.com
or
Email Blue Eyed Books 


For more Fun-Packed Quotes Books, click these links ...

James Bond - Licence To Quote ... The Quotable 007

The Quotable Film Critic

The Quotable Fred Astaire

The Quotable Dancer

Celebrity Bitch Quotes

The Quotable Doctor Who 

Poker Quotes - Lou Krieger's Top Ten

TOP TEN POKER QUOTES by Lou Krieger

Some time last year, while researching a book of humorous poker quotations, I came across this interesting article in Card Player magazine …

“This column marks a milestone for me: my 200th article for Card Player. My personal celebration involved perusing each of my 200 columns and pulling my favorite poker quotes to share with you. I don't know if any of these will make it to Bartlett's Familiar Quotations, but if someone ever complies a book of quotable poker quotes, I hope to see a few of mine there.”
Lou Krieger, On Poker: You Can Quote Me on That  in Card Player magazine (2000)

With such a heartfelt plea it is only fitting to add Lou Krieger to my ongoing list of ‘Top Ten Poker Quoters.’

In some small way this Top Ten tribute may make his dream come true as some of Lou’s quotations do indeed appear in my book The Quotable Poker Player. Although TQPP is not going to match Bartlett's Familiar Quotations in terms of size or age, TQPP is certainly much funnier and is 100% poker-based.

“In poker - as in so many other disciplines - there are great ‘players’ and then there are great ‘teachers.’ Lou Krieger is both. Trust me. His appreciation for the intricacies of poker are obvious. He's one of the few writers who incorporates both good card sense and comprehensive situational analysis in his writing. Reading Lou’s advice is like getting painting lessons from Rembrandt or being taught the violin by Stradivarius.”
Nolan Dalla

With a glowing introduction like that from the World Series of Poker Media Director and renowned poker writer / historian, who is this Lou Krieger and what has he got to say about poker?

Lou is currently the editor of Poker Player Newspaper and has written 11 books and more than 400 columns about poker strategy for a variety of magazines. His first book, Hold ’em Excellence: From Beginner to Winner, was published in 1995. Since then Lou has also published other poker books such as: MORE Hold ’em Excellence: A Winner For Life, Poker For Dummies, Gambling For Dummies, Internet Poker: How to Play and Beat Online Poker Games, Winning Omaha/8 Poker, The Poker Player’s Bible, Secrets the Pros Won’t Tell You About Winning Hold ’em Poker, The Portable Poker Pro: Winning Tips for Texas Hold ’em and 52 Great Poker Tips.

With a resume like that there is no doubt that Lou deserves to have his own list of poker quotables - and this is my personal choice of  the Top Ten Quotes by Lou Krieger (with sources where known) …

“Hold ‘em - like life itself - has its defining moment. It’s the flop. When you see the flop, you’re looking at 71 percent of your hand, and the cost is only a single round of betting.” 

“Learn their secrets and determine how they keep from going on tilt. If the shoe fits, steal it!”

“As batting practice is not baseball, reading about poker, or playing against computerized opponents - while undeniably helpful - is not the same as playing for real money, against live opponents, in public games.”
from Hold ‘em Excellence (2000)

“Only losers and amateurs blame the cards. After all, cards don’t care; they don’t take sides, and they have no memory. They are blind justice holding her scales, and in the long run they’ll tip evenly for the novice and the skilled alike.”
from More Hold ‘em Excellence (1999)

On the pre-poker boom TV shows - “Before that, even for poker fans like myself, poker was boring. It was just a bunch of guys grimacing at one another. Boring television.”

“Most of the money you’ll win at poker comes not from the brilliance of your own play, but from the ineptitude of your opponents.” 

“Figure out what your opponent wants you to do and try to do the opposite.”

“You have it in your power to turn a bad beat around simply by realizing this simple truth: The more bad beats you encounter, the luckier you are. It’s a sign that you are playing against opponents who continually take the worst of it, and if you can’t beat someone who always takes the worst of it, you can’t beat anyone.”

“Not only is poker good for you, it’s the American way, where winners play fair, have the right stuff, and nothing else matters, except, perhaps, a bit of luck every now and then.”

“There are two kinds of poker face. Everyone thinks of Mount Rushmore, immobile, but the other is to broadcast so much information that no one can tell what you’re thinking.”


Compiled by
Colin M Jarman
The Quotable Poker Player


For more great poker quotations by Lou, go to his excellent blog Keep Flopping Aces and his excellent quotes page  - Quotable Krieger. Also check out Poker Player Newspaper edited by Lou.

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Poker Quotes - A to Z from Aces to Zen Poker

A to Z of Poker Quotes

from Aces to Zen Poker

A fairly random collection of poker quotations that run from A to Z - some famous, some funny, some inspirational, some motivational, some wacky, some offbeat, some cute, some Texas Hold Em, some Stud  ... all great, all free and all taken from The Quotable Poker Player book.
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"All ACES are good for is to win a small pot or lose a big one."
Stu Ungar

"BAD BEATS will, from time to time, still rob you like a crack addict with an empty pipe."
Rick Dacey in Poker Player magazine (2006)

"The poker CHIP is like a conjuror’s sleight of hand that turns an egg into a billiard ball, a necessity of life into a plaything, reality into illusion."
Al Alvarez

"Poker is such a great game. It’s you and your brain against everybody else. The DECK doesn’t know who you are."
Lyle Berman in USA Today (2006)

"Phil Hellmuth has an EGO that is notorious even in ego-charged poker circles."
Demian Bulwa in The San Francisco Chronicle (2003)

"I like to see lots of FLOPS."
Gus Hansen

"Poker is a stimulating psychological challenge, combining GUTS and detective work ... a world of its own, offering all the childish appeal of secret places, special languages and staying up late at night."
Victoria Coren


"HEADS UP poker play may be the purest form of psychological warfare this game has to offer. It’s no wonder why the old westerns and Rounders and every other poker movie always comes down to a one-on-one battle between the good guy and the villain."
David Williams in All In magazine (2008)

"IMAGE is vital. Poker was seen in Britain as an American import, associated with Mississippi riverboat gambling and the long stare of Steve McQueen in The Cincinnati Kid. This was card-drama in bars full of cheroot smoke, whiskey and wild women. In Britain, by contrast, it was traditionally the pastime of crooks in grimy vests playing under bare bulbs, or self-consciously raffish rich kids looking for street cred."
Ben Macintyre in The Times (2005)

"I just realized something. JOKER is poker with a ‘J’ ... coincidence?"
Phoebe [Liza Kudrow] on Friends: The One with All the Poker (1995)

"A KING can do no wrong … unless it runs into an ace."
Old Poker Saying

"A poker player has to be LUCKY … in the same way that Warren Buffet gets lucky playing the stock market year after year."
Phil Gordon, Poker: Real Deal (2006)

"All the bills are paid and you feel pretty good. Is it time to go shopping? Yes, providing you leave enough MONEY to play poker."
Barry Greenstein, Ace on the River (2005)

"Poker Tip #10: You’re not allowed to give yourself a NICKNAME. This holds true in life as well as in poker."
Richard Roeper in The Chicago Sun-Times (2005)

"Poker is a game of people. If you remember that, you can bounce your OPPONENTS around like tumbleweed in Texas. If you forget, Lord have mercy on your bankroll."
Doyle Brunson, According to Doyle (1984)

"Not for nothing are POKER TABLES shaped like the floor of the Coliseum - the better to concentrate the butchery, the better to observe it up close. lions and tigers and bears, oh my! Thumbs up or thumbs down on the river."
James McManus in American Poetry Review (2002)

"Pocket QUEENS are arguably the third best Hold ‘em starting hand, but like everything having to do with the ladies, it just isn’t that simple. It is also one of the hands players go broke with most often. The cards are beautiful, mesmerizing. All that paint is hypnotic, but you must use your head, not your heart. You must tread cautiously and think carefully, not jump in with both feet like a love-struck teenager."
Katie Lindsay in Pro Player magazine (Sep 2006)

"There are a lot of RULES to poker: a flush beats a straight, three of a kind beats two pair, never trust anyone named Vegas Billy. But the cardinal rule of all time may be this: Never bet $86 on the three of clubs. But even that rule is sorely tested when everyone folds except you and the guy whose currency on the table is handwritten."
Jesse McKinley in The New York Times (2003)

"SEX and poker don’t go together. That, at least, is my general experience. Which is not to say that one should not follow the other."
David Spanier, Total Poker (1977)

"Learn their secrets and determine how they keep from going on TILT. If the shoe fits, steal it!"
Lou Krieger

"Alas, I have no discernible ability at Hold ‘em - if I were playing against nine Franciscan monks, I would be the UNDERDOG - a somewhat unfortunate reality considering I am paid to analyze Hold ‘em on TV. (By the way, this makes me the Matt Millen of poker.)"
Norman Chad in Sports Illustrated magazine (2009)

"One of the weird things about poker is that you’re handling all this cash, and you’re getting paid in cash, and it’s flowing in and out of your life, and it’s easy to lose the VALUE of money. When you have a lot of success young, and you get a hold of a lot of cash, and you’ve never had to be an adult struggling, you lose perspective."
Anne Duke in All In magazine

"The important thing is to get fun out of poker, and the best fun is the fun of WINNING."
Chris Ferguson in Inside Edge magazine (2006)

99 [Barbara Feldon]: "Why don’t we use the X-22 computer, Chief?"
Chief [Edward Platt]: "I’ve thought of that, 99, but somebody fed a deck of cards into it and now all it’ll do is play poker with the CIA computer."
99: "Well can’t you reprogramme it?"
Chief: "No, we can’t do that, it’s 32 dollars behind."
on Get Smart: The Worst Best Man (1968)

"Erick Lindgren thought it would be a good idea to issue a challenge saying he and I could amass more Player of the YEAR points than any other two players. (Except for Phil Ivey because he doesn’t count. He’s not human)."
Daniel Negreanu in All-In magazine (2009)

"I am in poker for all the wrong reasons. I don’t care about the money. I just want to experience a 48-hour period where I am at one with the universe. I want to experience that ZEN state of consciousness where you can do no wrong: your tiny twos flop into a set, your inferior pair rivers into a backdoor straight. Phil [Laak] calls this phenomenon ‘Surfing the Wa’."
Jennifer Tilly in Bluff magazine (2005)

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THE QUOTABLE POKER PLAYER - The Fun-Packed Book of Poker Sayings

THE QUOTABLE POKER PLAYER

The Fun-Packed Book of Poker Sayings
1500 Humorous Poker Quotations

Book Price inc Shipping Costs

UK 5-7 days £10.99 Europe 5-7 days £13.99 USA & Canada 7-10 days £14.99 Rest of the World 7-10 days £14.99

Funny Poker Quotes Book - Front Cover

“The poker trail can lead you through hostile country,
beautiful landscapes and miles of barren desert.
The journey will last a lifetime so keep moving on
until you find the next watering hole.”

Trevor Sippets, Poker: How to Play, How to Win (2005)

This volume of over 1500 humorous quotes from the poker world covers all aspects of the game. It celebrates the fun-side of poker encompassing a transatlantic theme across both the American and European views of the game.

From The Cincinnati Kid to the Poker Brat

From bad beats to Goodfellas

From Holly Madison to Phil Ivey

From home games to House of Games

From Go Fish to the Devilfish

From Poker 101 to Ocean’s 11

From green felt greenhorns to Barry Greenstein

From Texas Hold ‘em to California Split

From The Odd Couple to Phil & Jennifer


The Quotable Poker Player includes the funniest poker-based sayings and quotations from professional players, poker celebrities, authors, humorists and journalists, as well as a choice selection from film and TV characters.

Bret Maverick [James Garner]: “If you're going to play poker, you'll have to develop a sense of humour. That's the whole trick, my friend.”

on Maverick: Relic of Fort Tejon (1957)

SAMPLE CONTENTS  & CHAPTER HEADINGS

POKER IS ...

"Poker is the new pornography. The Internet is awash with it … it’s banned in China and it’s full of excitable Scandinavians."

Rick Dacey on InsidePokerMag.co.uk (2006)

POKER AS WARFARE

"Poker is like war; there is no tomorrow. You have to pick the hill you want to defend and die trying, or be king of the hill."

Johnny Hale on GamingToday.com (2009)

POKER 101

"Every bluff is now revealed as the product of untold computations, every bullying all-in raise seen for the science that it is, the arithmetic of incomplete knowledge. Unless, of course, it’s just a bad guess."

Richard Hoffer in Sports Illustrated magazine (2003)

POKER CARDS and HANDS

"The cards have no regard for sex; they’ll just as soon make a straight for a woman as a man - only it will sting worse if you have a scrotum."

Michael Konik (2001)

POKER GAMES

"No-Limit Texas Hold ‘em may be the Cadillac of poker games, but there are plenty of other fine cars out there in the showroom."

Conrad Brunner on CardPlayer.com (2006)

POKER PLACES

"The card clubs of California are vast sheds of frenetic activity filled with noise and excitement, proffering some 200 tables divided between American poker and Chinese games. They are good fun in their own way. But for true believers, Binion’s in May is better than April in Paris."

David Spanier in The Independent (1995)

W.S.O.P.

"The Americans tip the odds in their own favour, with World Series tournaments like Limit Razz and Ace To Five Draw; such un-British games that they might as well be competitions to see who can name the most Texan garden centres."

Victoria Coren in The Guardian (2001)

POKER FACES

"Professional poker players make me more sick than a man taken sick on his day off. They come straight from central casting - smug, pasty faces, shades to hint at mystery, a prop (like a Stetson) to suggest menace, and supposedly sardonic dialogue plucked straight from a 50s B movie. No people look more permanently pleased with themselves than professional poker players … They are without exception so plug ugly you suspect they’ve pulled more royal flushes than women … They are the living dead, clinging desperately to an artificial image of devil-may-care recklessness forged by purely fictional characters like the Cincinnati Kid and Maverick."

Derek McGovern in The Daily Mirror (2006)

POKER BOOKS

"Anthony Holden, author of the bestselling book about poker, Big Deal, goes out of his way to emphasise that poker is not gambling because it is a game of skill, and yet he won’t go down to the tables without wearing his lucky watch."

Mike Atherton, Gambling (2006)

Funny Poker Quotations Book - Back Cover

POKER MOVIES

"Hollywood often uses gambling, and less often card playing, to add a flavour to a movie. Unfortunately most of these movies have silly scenes (House of Games) or stink (Honeymoon in Vegas) or both (Maverick)."

Steve Badger on PlayWinningPoker.com

POKER ON T.V.

"Be advised that a Poker Craze is sweeping the nation. Almost every night there are poker tournaments on television. And if you think that watching people play cards on television would be boring, I have three words for you: correct-o-mundo. The problem is that there's not a lot of action in televised poker, where the most strenuous thing the players do is push small plastic chips a distance of about 15 inches. (Granted, this is more action than you see in televised golf.) To make matters worse, poker players do not betray any feelings. So, most of the time what you have, visually, is a bunch of grim-faced guys sitting around a table, looking like a haemorrhoid support group."

Dave Barry in The Washington Post (2004)

POKER EXTRAS [A to Z]

America's Game

"Of all the gambling games, poker, a distinctly American invention a century and a half old, is undoubtedly the most popular, And although poker may not yet be as American as apple pie, it has certainly become the standard Friday night after-dinner course in many homes."

David Hayano, Poker Faces (1983)

Zen Poker

"I am in poker for all the wrong reasons. I don’t care about the money. I just want to experience a 48-hour period where I am at one with the universe. I want to experience that Zen state of consciousness where you can do no wrong: your tiny twos flop into a set, your inferior pair rivers into a backdoor straight. Phil [Laak] calls this phenomenon 'Surfing the Wa'."

Jennifer Tilly in Bluff magazine (2005)

Book Price inc Shipping Costs

UK 5-7 days £10.99 Europe 5-7 days £13.99 USA & Canada 7-10 days £14.99 Rest of the World 7-10 days £14.99