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Senin, 26 Juli 2010

Poker Quotes from The Quotable Poker Player - Fun-Packed Book of 1500 Humorous Poker Quotations

Poker Quotes Book - Funny Poker QuotationsPoker Quotes Book

THE QUOTABLE POKER PLAYER

Read 'Em and Weep (with laughter) 

The Fun-Packed Book
of
Poker Quotations

1500 Humorous Poker Quotations
from Five-Card Stud to No Limit Texas Hold 'Em



Book Price inc Shipping Costs
Please select the drop-down option for your region and click 'Buy Now'


Buy The Quotable Poker Player Quotes book
ISBN-10: 1907338052
ISBN-13: 9781907338052
Published by: Blue Eyed Books

For more book information go to "The Quotable Poker Player" Publisher website at Blue Eyed Books
or
Email Blue Eyed Books 




This volume of over 1500 humorous poker quotes covers all aspects of the global game from Las Vegas to London, from Monaco to your home game. It celebrates the fun-side of poker encompassing a transatlantic theme across both the American and European views of the game.

From The Cincinnati Kid to the Poker Brat ............................. From bad beats to Goodfellas

From Holly Madison to Phil Ivey ................................................ From home games to House of Games

From Go Fish to the Devilfish ................................................... From Poker 101 to Ocean’s 11

From green felt greenhorns to Barry Greenstein .................. From Texas Hold ‘em to California Split

From The Odd Couple to Phil and Jennifer ........................... From Full Tilt to Free Rolls 


“The poker trail can lead you through hostile country, beautiful landscapes and miles of barren desert. The journey will last a lifetime so keep moving on until you find the next watering hole.”
Trevor Sippets, Poker: How to Play, How to Win (2005)


The Quotable Poker Player includes the funniest poker-based sayings and quotations from professional players, poker celebrities, authors, humorists and journalists, as well as a choice selection from film and TV characters.


Bret Maverick [James Garner]: “If you're going to play poker, you'll have to develop a sense of humour. That's the whole trick, my friend.”
on Maverick: Relic of Fort Tejon (1957)



SAMPLE CONTENTS and CHAPTER HEADINGS

POKER IS ...


"Poker is the new pornography. The Internet is awash with it … it’s banned in China and it’s full of excitable Scandinavians."
Rick Dacey on InsidePokerMag.co.uk (2006)


POKER AS WARFARE


"Poker is like war; there is no tomorrow. You have to pick the hill you want to defend and die trying, or be king of the hill."
Johnny Hale on GamingToday.com (2009)


POKER 101


"Every bluff is now revealed as the product of untold computations, every bullying all-in raise seen for the science that it is, the arithmetic of incomplete knowledge. Unless, of course, it’s just a bad guess."
Richard Hoffer in Sports Illustrated magazine (2003)


POKER CARDS and HANDS


"The cards have no regard for sex; they’ll just as soon make a straight for a woman as a man - only it will sting worse if you have a scrotum."
Michael Konik (2001)


POKER GAMES


"No-Limit Texas Hold ‘em may be the Cadillac of poker games, but there are plenty of other fine cars out there in the showroom."
Conrad Brunner on CardPlayer.com (2006)


POKER PLACES


"The card clubs of California are vast sheds of frenetic activity filled with noise and excitement, proffering some 200 tables divided between American poker and Chinese games. They are good fun in their own way. But for true believers, Binion’s in May is better than April in Paris."
David Spanier in The Independent (1995)


WORLD SERIES OF POKER


"The Americans tip the odds in their own favour, with World Series tournaments like Limit Razz and Ace To Five Draw; such un-British games that they might as well be competitions to see who can name the most Texan garden centres."
Victoria Coren in The Guardian (2001)

POKER FACES


"Professional poker players make me more sick than a man taken sick on his day off. They come straight from central casting - smug, pasty faces, shades to hint at mystery, a prop (like a Stetson) to suggest menace, and supposedly sardonic dialogue plucked straight from a 50s B movie. No people look more permanently pleased with themselves than professional poker players … They are without exception so plug ugly you suspect they’ve pulled more royal flushes than women … They are the living dead, clinging desperately to an artificial image of devil-may-care recklessness forged by purely fictional characters like the Cincinnati Kid and Maverick."
Derek McGovern in The Daily Mirror (2006)

POKER BOOKS


"Anthony Holden, author of the bestselling book about poker, Big Deal, goes out of his way to emphasise that poker is not gambling because it is a game of skill, and yet he won’t go down to the tables without wearing his lucky watch."
Mike Atherton, Gambling (2006)

poker quotations book - humorous poker quotes

POKER MOVIES


"Hollywood often uses gambling, and less often card playing, to add a flavour to a movie. Unfortunately most of these movies have silly scenes (House of Games) or stink (Honeymoon in Vegas) or both (Maverick)."
Steve Badger on PlayWinningPoker.com

POKER ON T.V.


"Be advised that a Poker Craze is sweeping the nation. Almost every night there are poker tournaments on television. And if you think that watching people play cards on television would be boring, I have three words for you: correct-o-mundo. The problem is that there's not a lot of action in televised poker, where the most strenuous thing the players do is push small plastic chips a distance of about 15 inches. (Granted, this is more action than you see in televised golf.) To make matters worse, poker players do not betray any feelings. So, most of the time what you have, visually, is a bunch of grim-faced guys sitting around a table, looking like a haemorrhoid support group."
Dave Barry in The Washington Post (2004)

POKER EXTRAS [A to Z]


America's Game
"Of all the gambling games, poker, a distinctly American invention a century and a half old, is undoubtedly the most popular, And although poker may not yet be as American as apple pie, it has certainly become the standard Friday night after-dinner course in many homes."
David Hayano, Poker Faces (1983)


Zen Poker
"I am in poker for all the wrong reasons. I don’t care about the money. I just want to experience a 48-hour period where I am at one with the universe. I want to experience that Zen state of consciousness where you can do no wrong: your tiny twos flop into a set, your inferior pair rivers into a backdoor straight. Phil [Laak] calls this phenomenon 'Surfing the Wa'."
Jennifer Tilly in Bluff magazine (2005)


Book Price inc Shipping Costs
Please select the drop-down option for your region and click 'Buy Now'


For more information go to "The Quotable Poker Player" Publisher website at www.quotablepokerplayer.com
or
Email Blue Eyed Books 


For more Fun-Packed Quotes Books, click these links ...

James Bond - Licence To Quote ... The Quotable 007

The Quotable Film Critic

The Quotable Fred Astaire

The Quotable Dancer

Celebrity Bitch Quotes

The Quotable Doctor Who 

Minggu, 25 Juli 2010

Poker Quotes - Top Ten Funny Poker Quotations

TEN FUNNIEST POKER QUOTES OF ALL TIME?

as chosen by Colin M Jarman aka The Quotable Poker Player

What makes for a really funny poker quotation? Since this is my list, the answer is simple: any saying or thought about poker that makes me laugh.

Having spent the past two years compiling The Quotable Poker Player - a book of 1500 humorous poker quotations - I figure I have as much right as anybody to pick my Top Ten Funniest Poker Quotes of All Time.

So, apart from making me laugh in some way, how do I judge a funny or humorous or amusing poker quotation? My particular brand of poker humour is predicated on three main factors:

A. Hilarity ... it has to make me laugh out loud or smile deeply within.

B. Cleverness ... I'm a stone cold sucker for intelligent humour and if a non-poker pop culture reference is also thrown in, then that's the quotable equivalent of the nuts.

C. Originality ... just as there are only three basic jokes, there are only three basic poker quotations (those about playing poker, those about poker & sex, and those by Victoria Coren). So, the more original the quote the more I love it.

Having published the first-ever book of 1500 funny poker quotations and having rejected a whole lot more that failed to make the final cut of 1500, these ten are the funniest poker quotes that I keep coming back to time after time. Every time I read them I still laugh, smile or genuflect in their general direction.

As with all my Top Ten quotations list they are not ranked 1 to 10 or in any cogent order ... as with a deck of cards I like my poker quotations well shuffled.

“When the next hand starts, stop talking about the last hand, whether you won or lost. Living in the past is a Jethro Tull album, not a smart poker strategy."
Richard Roeper in The Chicago Sun-Times (2005)

"No-Limit Texas Hold ‘em may be the Cadillac of poker games, but there are plenty of other fine cars out there in the showroom."
Conrad Brunner on CardPlayer.com (2006)

"The Americans tip the odds in their own favour, with World Series tournaments like Limit Razz and Ace To Five Draw; such un-British games that they might as well be competitions to see who can name the most Texan garden centres."
Victoria Coren in The Guardian (2001)

Phil Gordon: "Even Jesus wouldn’t bet all of his chips on a J-3."
Dave Foley: "Well, if he did, by the time the cards hit the table they’d be different."
on Celebrity Poker Showdown

"I played Texas Hold ’em that night, but the only thing I was holding when I went home was my MetroCard. I had been cleaned out by men who knew how to fold early, bet strong and run the table like Rudy Giuliani runs the city."
Brian Koppelman in The New York Observer (2001)

Campaigning for poker to be included in the Olympic Games - "After all, the ribbon-waving rhythmic gymnasts are in. The shuttlecock-chasing badminton players are in. Even the ice-sweeping curlers are in. And poker’s out? That’s like throwing a party for mankind’s greatest inventions and forgetting to invite indoor plumbing."
Poker in Athens (2004)

“Bridge has an image problem. While Hold 'em conjures up hard-bitten men, scantily clad women, and long nights in Las Vegas, bridge evokes cucumber sandwiches, dank afternoons in village halls, and sharp words between bitter octogenarians. In Hold 'em, you need balls. In bridge, you are more likely to have a dicky prostate.”
Ed Caesar in The Independent (2006)

"Everybody just sits. These people spend more time on their butts than FDR did. And now you, too, can get the entire 2003 World Series of Poker on DVD, featuring all that sitting! (Comes with an ice pick to insert into your brain.) The dullness is built into the game. The way to win at Texas Hold ‘em is to be as expressionless as drywall and fold a lot. Whoo-ee! You talk about exciting! What’s ESPN going to put on next, the World Hairline-Receding Championships?"
Rick Reilly in Sports Illustrated magazine (2004)

Brant: "What’s going on?"
Charlene: "We’re telling stories. You just missed a really good one about a man who won November 1937 in a poker game."
Neil Gaiman, Sandman: A Tale of Two Cities (1994)

"If you think what we have going on today is online Poker Mania you’re in for a gaming earthquake of mega-magnitude. To use a Beatles’ metaphor, today we’re somewhere around Love Me Do and Please, Please Me. We have the massive climb towards Rubber Soul and Sergeant Pepper to come!"
‘All The Aces’ in The Daily Star (2005)



The Top Ten Funniest Poker Quotes - a personal selection - was compiled by
Colin M Jarman aka The Quotable Poker Player

Kamis, 27 Mei 2010

Poker Quotes from the W.S.O.P. champions Part One: 2000 - 2009

Poker Quotes from the W.S.O.P. champions

Part One: 2000 - 2009

To become a World Series Of Poker champion is one thing but what have these players go to say about the great game of poker? In the first of a series of ongoing posts that pool the collected thoughts of WSOP champions we start with the most recent honour roll ...

2000 Chris Ferguson
"Paying attention is one of the best ways to learn, and a great way to move up the poker food chain."

2001 Carlos Mortensen
"I believe that poker is a people game played with cards, not just a card game played by people, I think that all players have limits, or situations where they become uneasy, and that is when I put them to the test."

2002 Robert Varkonyi
"I was totally focused, played nearly perfect poker, and caught a few lucky breaks. I played very gutsy and with no fear. But today it's different; when I won it we were only 631 entrants. Now you need even more luck and also more endurance."

2003 Chris Moneymaker    
"I am the poster child for online poker. Amateurs and people who never even played the game watched me on television and figured, 'Hey, I can do that.' And they're right."

2004 Greg Raymer
"Taking freedom away is not what America is all about. Poker is an intrinsic part of America’s soul. Poker is an American game. Poker was a vital part of the American frontier. I love America. And I love to play poker. It is my version of the American dream. I have a simple message to Congress. Keep your hands off of my poker hand."

2005 Joe Hachem
"I just thought I'd be world champion, get a nice endorsement and go back to my normal life. Bullshit, there's nothing normal about my life these days!"

2006 Jamie Gold
"Poker is as much an internal game as it is external competition, and like most sports, it takes more practice and knowing yourself than it does actually playing the game in a professional environment."

2007 Jerry Yang
"As a father of six, you don't have a lot of money to play poker, So I played whenever I have a little chance here and there, and so far I have been successful."

2008 Peter Eastgate
"I guess I haven't really realized how big this is. It will come in the next weeks or the next days. I will become very emotional at some point."

2009 Joe Cada
"I have really put a lot into this. I have been playing poker for some time, and to come here and win it in my very first year - I feel very fortunate."

Still to come on the list of quotable WSOP champs in their own words are Phil Hellmuth, Stuey Ungar, Doyle Brunson, Johnny Chan, Johnny Moss, Puggy Pearson, Bobby Baldwin,Tom McEvoy, Scotty Nguyen, Huck Seed, Noel Furliong, amongst others.

Compiled by Colin M Jarman 
Editor of THE QUOTABLE POKER PLAYER 
For more free online poker quotations go to: http://www.quotablepokerplayer.com/

Minggu, 09 Mei 2010

THE QUOTABLE POKER PLAYER - The Fun-Packed Book of Poker Sayings

THE QUOTABLE POKER PLAYER

The Fun-Packed Book of Poker Sayings
1500 Humorous Poker Quotations



Book Price inc Shipping Costs


Funny Poker Quotes Book - Front Cover

“The poker trail can lead you through hostile country,
beautiful landscapes and miles of barren desert.
The journey will last a lifetime so keep moving on
until you find the next watering hole.”
Trevor Sippets, Poker: How to Play, How to Win (2005)

This volume of over 1500 humorous quotes from the poker world covers all aspects of the game. It celebrates the fun-side of poker encompassing a transatlantic theme across both the American and European views of the game.

From The Cincinnati Kid to the Poker Brat

From bad beats to Goodfellas

From Holly Madison to Phil Ivey

From home games to House of Games

From Go Fish to the Devilfish

From Poker 101 to Ocean’s 11

From green felt greenhorns to Barry Greenstein

From Texas Hold ‘em to California Split

From The Odd Couple to Phil & Jennifer


The Quotable Poker Player includes the funniest poker-based sayings and quotations from professional players, poker celebrities, authors, humorists and journalists, as well as a choice selection from film and TV characters.


Bret Maverick [James Garner]: “If you're going to play poker, you'll have to develop a sense of humour. That's the whole trick, my friend.”
on Maverick: Relic of Fort Tejon (1957)



SAMPLE CONTENTS  & CHAPTER HEADINGS

POKER IS ...


"Poker is the new pornography. The Internet is awash with it … it’s banned in China and it’s full of excitable Scandinavians."
Rick Dacey on InsidePokerMag.co.uk (2006)


POKER AS WARFARE


"Poker is like war; there is no tomorrow. You have to pick the hill you want to defend and die trying, or be king of the hill."
Johnny Hale on GamingToday.com (2009)


POKER 101


"Every bluff is now revealed as the product of untold computations, every bullying all-in raise seen for the science that it is, the arithmetic of incomplete knowledge. Unless, of course, it’s just a bad guess."
Richard Hoffer in Sports Illustrated magazine (2003)


POKER CARDS and HANDS


"The cards have no regard for sex; they’ll just as soon make a straight for a woman as a man - only it will sting worse if you have a scrotum."
Michael Konik (2001)


POKER GAMES


"No-Limit Texas Hold ‘em may be the Cadillac of poker games, but there are plenty of other fine cars out there in the showroom."
Conrad Brunner on CardPlayer.com (2006)


POKER PLACES


"The card clubs of California are vast sheds of frenetic activity filled with noise and excitement, proffering some 200 tables divided between American poker and Chinese games. They are good fun in their own way. But for true believers, Binion’s in May is better than April in Paris."
David Spanier in The Independent (1995)


W.S.O.P.


"The Americans tip the odds in their own favour, with World Series tournaments like Limit Razz and Ace To Five Draw; such un-British games that they might as well be competitions to see who can name the most Texan garden centres."
Victoria Coren in The Guardian (2001)


POKER FACES


"Professional poker players make me more sick than a man taken sick on his day off. They come straight from central casting - smug, pasty faces, shades to hint at mystery, a prop (like a Stetson) to suggest menace, and supposedly sardonic dialogue plucked straight from a 50s B movie. No people look more permanently pleased with themselves than professional poker players … They are without exception so plug ugly you suspect they’ve pulled more royal flushes than women … They are the living dead, clinging desperately to an artificial image of devil-may-care recklessness forged by purely fictional characters like the Cincinnati Kid and Maverick."
Derek McGovern in The Daily Mirror (2006)


POKER BOOKS


"Anthony Holden, author of the bestselling book about poker, Big Deal, goes out of his way to emphasise that poker is not gambling because it is a game of skill, and yet he won’t go down to the tables without wearing his lucky watch."
Mike Atherton, Gambling (2006)


Funny Poker Quotations Book - Back Cover
POKER MOVIES

"Hollywood often uses gambling, and less often card playing, to add a flavour to a movie. Unfortunately most of these movies have silly scenes (House of Games) or stink (Honeymoon in Vegas) or both (Maverick)."
Steve Badger on PlayWinningPoker.com


POKER ON T.V.


"Be advised that a Poker Craze is sweeping the nation. Almost every night there are poker tournaments on television. And if you think that watching people play cards on television would be boring, I have three words for you: correct-o-mundo. The problem is that there's not a lot of action in televised poker, where the most strenuous thing the players do is push small plastic chips a distance of about 15 inches. (Granted, this is more action than you see in televised golf.) To make matters worse, poker players do not betray any feelings. So, most of the time what you have, visually, is a bunch of grim-faced guys sitting around a table, looking like a haemorrhoid support group."
Dave Barry in The Washington Post (2004)


POKER EXTRAS [A to Z]


America's Game
"Of all the gambling games, poker, a distinctly American invention a century and a half old, is undoubtedly the most popular, And although poker may not yet be as American as apple pie, it has certainly become the standard Friday night after-dinner course in many homes."
David Hayano, Poker Faces (1983)


Zen Poker
"I am in poker for all the wrong reasons. I don’t care about the money. I just want to experience a 48-hour period where I am at one with the universe. I want to experience that Zen state of consciousness where you can do no wrong: your tiny twos flop into a set, your inferior pair rivers into a backdoor straight. Phil [Laak] calls this phenomenon 'Surfing the Wa'."
Jennifer Tilly in Bluff magazine (2005)

Book Price inc Shipping Costs